How To Make Your Christmas Programs Really Distinctive

I visited a church in the area to see their Christmas program last night. It was spectacular featuring dancers, singing, live camels, and other such things. It was great. Very well done. (I am being serious up to this point). Which got me to thinking of how (this is where serious is going to die):

TO MAKE YOUR CHRISTMAS PROGRAM REALLY DISTINCTIVE:

10) Shoot the Pastor out of a cannon and on to the stage when it's his time to be there.

9) Shoot the choir out of a cannon. This may be a lengthy process so you might want to have multiple cannons.

8) Have Mary and Joseph ride in to the auditorium on the back of a moose. This might not be Biblically accurate but it would be different from what other churches are doing.

7) Have your Christmas Program narrated by Gilbert Gottfried (the voice of Iago the parrot in "Aladdin" if you don't recognize the name).

6) Dump real snow from the ceiling on to the people. I don't mean light flakes, I mean get an entire snow drift and have fun.

5) For all the animals in your nativity scene: have them branded with the churches initials during a pre-pageant branding ceremony. However, if your church's name is the "Holy Church of the Our Lady of the Lake of the Bronze Selpuchre of Saint Augustine of Hippo Fundamentalist Independent Missionary Southern Baptist Temple" then you might want to skip this suggestion to avoid the wrath of the Humane Society.

4) Since the Bible does not specifically give an exact number of wise men, you could have about 1000 of them come in for that scene. You will need a large stage.

3) To demonstrate true wisdom, your wise men should not wear the traditional Persian ruler type outfit but instead wear Kentucky Wildcat jerseys.

2) Randomnly pick people out of the audience to play the barnyard animals. But you should have non-traditional animals to set your church apart. Your randomly picked people should wear the following costumes: a musk ox, a kangaroo, an armadillo, an ostrich, a cockroach, an earthworm, and a giant squid.

and

1) Shoot a Giant Squid out of a cannon. Make sure there are no choir members or actors on the stage at the point of impact. It is possible that the squid will not cooperate easily so make sure you have patient people in charge of this.

What Would I Like To See In A Presidential Nominee in 2008

Someone who posted a comment on my last blog asked me the question on who I would like to see be the GOP nominee in 2008. As of this time, I have not settled on a name. Unlike the poster, I absolutely do not want to see Chuck Hagel be the nominee. We don't need a moderate Republican as a nominee because we do not want someone who bases their opinions on what they think is popular or on what the media likes or on what will make them popular with liberal Democrats (which is what I feel Hagel does).

What I would like to see in a nominee is someone who has Biblical values and Biblical character to match. I believe that what we call a political conservative best fits that bill. That means they will:

Be Faithful to their wife.

Be Pro-life on abortion.

Protect the sanctity of heterosexual marriage.

Understand that social ministry is to be done by the church and private organizations and not by government programs designed to make people dependent and servile.

Defend the USA through appropriate military means whenever necessary (as an aside, Pacifism by a government is unbiblical when you consider all of Scripture in its proper context and you don't pick and choose verses that you think support Pacifism).

Understand the true nature of terrorist groups and not try to coddle, ignore, or deal weakly with them.

Be opposed to big government and high taxes.

Actually cut taxes.

Appoint judges and cabinet members of similar beliefs as these.

Stand up to the so-called mainstream media and the liberals in congress in a loving, firm manner.

Articulate effectively the above agenda.

I don't know at this time who (of the potential candidates) best fits this agenda but I sure hope we get them.

Who Will Be The Nominees in 2008

Turning to politics, I will give you a brief prediction on who I think will be the nominees of each party for President in 2008. And they are:

Democrats: I Have No Clue

Republicans: I Have No Idea

Now I realize that these predictions are extremely bold, daring, and demonstrate a complete willingness to open myself up to laughs and insults from all the naysayers. OK, maybe they aren't courageous at all. But the deal is, its December 2006, with a lot of time left until November 2008, and anything can happen. But having said that, here are some people that are talked about as nominees that I think will not win their party's nomination for President.

Democrats: Senator Evan Bayh (INDIANA); Senator John Kerry (MASSACHUSETTS); and former Senator John Edwards (NORTH CAROLINA).

Republicans: Former mayor Rudy Guliani (NYC); Senator Chuck Hagel (NEBRASKA).

For Bayh, he is not radically liberal enough for the MoveOn.Org people; Kerry is now unpopular because of his verbal gaffes and is not the first preference of anyone; Edwards is too much of a has been whose "Two Americas" message would be more comfortable in 1908. For Guliani, he is too liberal on abortion, homosexuality, and other moral issues; Hagel is just disliked by the party's conservative base for his grandstanding and opposition to President Bush on many issues (Hagel seems too much like John McCain without the deep love of the DNC loving media following him).

We'll see if we are right or not. Two names in each party to look out for as potential dark horse candidates that could win their party's nomination should they chose to run:

Democrats: New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson

Republicans: Soon-to-be-former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee

Both have some baggage (Richardson too close to Bill Clinton for the MoveOn.org types; Huckabee signed a tax increase into law a few years ago) but it could happen.