New Airlines of the World

Yes, flying has grown to be too predictable and boring in the sense of you get the same old seats, same old beverage cart items, same old in flight entertainment, etc. Of course, we do not want to increase the excitement factor by things like crashes and near scares. We have better ideas. How about themed airlines or airlines for places that don't have one.

Sitcom Air = on this airline your pilots will Howard Borden (The Bob Newhart Show) and those two brothers on Wings. The flight attendants will be the waitresses from Alice and It's A Living, and also Steve Urkel (waiter from Rachel's Place on Family Matters). On board flight meals will be served by either Ginger & MaryAnn from Gilligan's Island or by Igor from M*A*S*H. In flight entertainment will be a mixture of episodes of Tool Time, The WJM Six O'Clock News, FYI, Vermont Today, and Wake Up, San Francisco. Radio feeds in flight will be of The Frasier Crane Show or live feeding from WKRP in Cincinatti.

Theology Air = on this airline your pilots will be dressed like either John Calvin or Karl Barth. The flight attendants will serve either Martin Luther Beer (this isn't necessarily a Baptist airline) or Tulip brand sodas (Tulip, Tulip Classic, Diet Tulip, Caffeine-Free Tulip, Caffeine-Free Diet Tulip, Cherry Tulip, Vanilla Tulip, Cherry-Vanilla Tulip, Crystal Tulip, New Tulip, Tulip Zero, et al.). On board flight entertainment will be readings from Augustines' Confessions and The Institutes of the Christian Religion (overseas flights can cover more than one volume). You can decide whether the people on the plane are pre-destined to be there or whether they are chosing to fly of their own free will or if its a mixture of both.

Air Leichtenstein = Flights will be from the capital to the other town in this small country. Flight time will be three minutes.

Star Trek Air = This one is just too obvious. Trekkies fill in your own data.

Has-Been Air = Your favorite has-beens have their own airline. Your pilots are Charo and Gary Coleman. Your flight attendants are the entire cast of the movie The Breakfast Club. In flight meals will be from the menu of either the Atkins Diet or the Burger Chef restaurant chain. Your in flight entertainment will be music videos of Menudo, Falco, Gerardo, Culture Club, A-Ha, Ace of Bass, Wham!, War, the Bay City Rollers, Peaches & Herb, the Captain & Tenille, Bananarama, Duran Duran, Rick Springfield, and every celebrity mentor from American Idol.

Thank you, sit back and relax, and enjoy your flight (if you can).