Top 10 Rejected Advertising Slogans for Churches

10) No Changes since 1622.

9) Over 1,000,000,000 saved.

8) From rural southern churches: Sunday School 10:00; Smoking Break 10:45; Service 11:00.

7) Baptisms: 2 for 1 sale.

6) A bunch of guys on the phone with each other: Whaaaaaat's Uuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5) I just saved money on car insurance by attending Geico Church.

4) Have you been injured in an accident? Call Pastor Jones, the tough, smart pastor.

3) Four old women standing around a really small church building, one of them constantly says: Where's the Dispensational Eschatology?

2) NOW-NOW-NOW -NOW!!! MONSTER CHURCH-CHURCH-CHURCH-CHURCH!!! FEATURING REVEREND BIGFOOT-BIGFOOT-BIGFOOT-BIGFOOT!!!!

1) TODAY! Part 72 of our exciting 156 part series on the deeper meanings of Calvinistic Sasserdotalism of the Heilsgichecte of the Dispensational Arminian realized eschatology of the early church fathers who lived roughly between 456 B.C. and A.D. 2005 on the deeper meaning of the homiletical hermeneutical apologetical scholastical existential venti mechanical carbonated pharmeceutical soteriological antiquated geometrical stuff of William of Ockham.

This just in: The following slogan has been accepted as proper advertising by a number of churches:
No Changes Since 1623.